Why do people care about my relationship status? It seems extremely invasive and keeps opening me up to ‘oh deary, you’ll find someone,’ and ‘you should meet so-and-so, you’d make a cute couple.’ It as if they believe I am biding my time until primary monogamy magically finds me.
To be perfectly honest, I’m looking for a new word for Single. Because I don’t believe I am their definition of ‘single’.
Single seems to imply that I am looking for a change in status, that I am either for or against the idea of a relationship. That I am in a transitive phase, regardless of how long that transition may be. That I am looking for a standard primary monogamous relationship.
To me, my ‘singleness’ is not a status but a state of being. I am not looking for a serious relationship. I suppose I could say that I’m interested in ‘casual dating’ but that also rings false. Maybe one day a primary monogamous relationship will come along and my status will change, but that isn’t related to my ‘single’ state of being. In the past I lost myself in relationships, people, and love. I am no longer willing to lose who I am.
That is what being ‘single’ means to me, no matter what relationships the future brings, that fact will never change. I am a distinct entity and I refuse to lose that again. But how does that relate to my status as a ‘single’ person?
Why does thinking about this make me question everything again? I really hate how I keep cycling around and around. Maybe I’m not even ‘single’. Maybe I’m ….something else. (Maybe I’m overly self-involved and full of it) But I think I lie somewhere between ‘single’ and ‘it’s complicated’. I want to meet people and foster relationships, I’m just not looking for a primary monogamous relationship. I want to make friends and have people I’m affectionate/romantic/sexual with, but again, I don’t want a primary monogamous relationship, I also don’t want a one night stand or a casual fling. Its like there are all these socially acceptable categories for relationships….and I don’t really want any of them.
Actually maybe that’s the whole point, that I don’t want the standard idea of a primary relationship.
How exactly do I explain that to people? I’m looking for friendships that may have elements of a secondary or tertiary affectionate/romantic/sexual aspects to them…. I don’t even know how that would look if it happened. Its a very odd thing, wanting something but not knowing what it is. I want to be in a relationship with myself firstly and other people secondly. How do I explain that?
Any suggestions on a new ‘Relationship Status’?