Singled Ann Out

Why do people care about my relationship status? It seems extremely invasive and keeps opening me up to ‘oh deary, you’ll find someone,’ and ‘you should meet so-and-so, you’d make a cute couple.’ It as if they believe I am biding my time until primary monogamy magically finds me.

To be perfectly honest, I’m looking for a new word for Single. Because I don’t believe I am their definition of ‘single’.
Single seems to imply that I am looking for a change in status, that I am either for or against the idea of a relationship. That I am in a transitive phase, regardless of how long that transition may be. That I am looking for a standard primary monogamous relationship.

To me, my ‘singleness’ is not a status but a state of being. I am not looking for a serious relationship. I suppose I could say that I’m interested in ‘casual dating’ but that also rings false. Maybe one day a primary monogamous relationship will come along and my status will change, but that isn’t related to my ‘single’ state of being. In the past I lost myself in relationships, people, and love. I am no longer willing to lose who I am.
That is what being ‘single’ means to me, no matter what relationships the future brings, that fact will never change. I am a distinct entity and I refuse to lose that again. But how does that relate to my status as a ‘single’ person?

Why does thinking about this make me question everything again? I really hate how I keep cycling around and around. Maybe I’m not even ‘single’. Maybe I’m ….something else. (Maybe I’m overly self-involved and full of it) But I think I lie somewhere between ‘single’ and ‘it’s complicated’. I want to meet people and foster relationships, I’m just not looking for a primary monogamous relationship. I want to make friends and have people I’m affectionate/romantic/sexual with, but again, I don’t want a primary monogamous relationship, I also don’t want a one night stand or a casual fling. Its like there are all these socially acceptable categories for relationships….and I don’t really want any of them.

Actually maybe that’s the whole point, that I don’t want the standard idea of a primary relationship.

How exactly do I explain that to people? I’m looking for friendships that may have elements of a secondary or tertiary affectionate/romantic/sexual aspects to them…. I don’t even know how that would look if it happened. Its a very odd thing, wanting something but not knowing what it is. I want to be in a relationship with myself firstly and other people secondly. How do I explain that?

Any suggestions on a new ‘Relationship Status’?

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